Big 8 – 2 + 4: The 2010 Saturday Football prognostications

It’s Saturday Football time and here we go with the annual Pig 12 pigskin forecast. I’m sure at least two of my faithful will weigh in on this – I hope a few more will as well.

Prediction highlight summary:

Texas falls to the 3rd best pro team in the State this year but exercise their new right to television broadcast their commercialism across the football nation. Jerry Jones becomes a huge UT fan as he sees yet another opportunity to make a few extra bucks – Jerry is rumored to have already invited the Longhorns to play in the Super Bowl come February.

Oklahoma buys all the car dealerships in the city and illegally hires student-athletes to drive their inventory to Waco causing a huge traffic jam on just one Saturday in October. Their QB is then well protected for a change by the O-line, at least for 1 game.

Oklahoma State puts up solar-powered stadium lights for their night games and T. Boone decides he would rather have a guy from Idaho lead his collegiate 3-ring circus hobby.

Texas Tech breaks every bone in their receiving hands trying to stop the AD and coaching merry-go-round. Now they have to run the football and the new coaches are rub-a-dub-Tub happy, the fans are not.

Texas A&M has to start recruiting south of the border just to find interest in their compass-lacking misdirection, but they think they’re in the Southeast enjoying a beautiful Pac-ific afternoon. All are confused, but pac-ified.

Baylor prays out loud in search of a football congregation. Tent revivals spring up all over the State but no one comes. University officials lobby the legislature to allow prayer in schools, lead only by Baylor alumni, in hopes they can witness a football savior somewhere in the high school ranks.

Nebraska refuses to leave their state to play football this year. Tom Osborne buys a dairy farm somewhere in the upper Midwest to make cheeeeeese. Bo Pelini sheds last year’s fashionable sweatshirt as time expires against UT in a scoreless tie…but wait, Mac whines from the sidelines to game officials that a home field advantage is worth 3 points in Vegas…refs meet at the UT sideline and agree.  Texas wins 3-0 without ever kicking a field goal.

Kansas State continues its torrid marketing campaign to sell merchandise and memorabilia of winning seasons past to alumni and unsuspecting fans. The school mascot logo is changed to a silhouette profile of Bill Snyder. The Athletic Department DVD of “The Drawing of a Saint” is on sale for only $5000, plus shipping and handling…if ordered before midnight, you will get “The Fall of The Royal Purple, the Ron Prince story” as a free bonus gift. Hey wait a minute, is K-State suppose to play football this year?

The new Kansas football strength coach employees Kansas basketball scholarship players to condition and toughen up the team. A co-ed walks by the weight room and player fist-o-cuff encounters ensues. The AD gets really upset again in front of (UT Football Network) television cameras. Campus Target Air Riflery is added as a competitive sport so that student athletes injured during in-fighting can remain on scholarship.

Iowa State is still underwater from the summer flooding and no one has sent in relief aid. George W. Bush says he’ll come take a look one of these days, and maybe take in a game, while Obama promises to tax the rain that did that to the inland coast of Des Moines.

Missouri continues to make this loud sucking sound wherever they go

Colorado athletic boosters hold bake sales during each home football game to raise money to furlough the current coaching staff – they will raise only $120, but that will probably be enough.

9 thoughts on “Big 8 – 2 + 4: The 2010 Saturday Football prognostications

  1. My fave is the Misery prognostication – you just can’t go wrong thumping this hell-hole of a university. I appreciate the fact that you did not bash our (KU) football team, as in the past – is that because my Mangino is gone? And, yes – KSU is playing football this season. Come on up – we’ll party! Glad you’re back, Tim May! :o)

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  2. Hey Tim, it has been awhile – just finished reading your prognastications. By the way, I heard the Big Man was in Columbia looking for a job.

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  3. My father-in-law is a funny, funny man! The “Big Man” would never sink so low as to look for employment in Columbia! Ewwwwwww. Now KU’s athletic director – or I should say ex-athletic director – might be a good fit for the Misery Tiggers. They’re giving him a cool $2M check TODAY to vamoose! Some people have all the luck! :o)

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  4. Now see OFSIL, that’s why you need to become a guest writer on this blog…you can dismiss one rumor while confirming another. I’ve offered the same to OFGaP JaiJai….

    Now please know I could, for you and JaiJai report my research – such as http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2010/3/17/1377353/an-open-letter-from-mark-mangino – but then even I have standards to uphold with authoring posts….

    So Perkins “has chosen to accelerate his retirement plans.” according to FoxSports. What else ya got?

    If Dad has the scoop on this Misery connection with a certain man of tropical fruit recognition…well then he also gets a guest spot on the blog for sure. I could then retire from writing and just administrate…

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  5. That article is so freakin’ funny! At the time I started to read said article, I had a deep cleansing mask on my face. I burst into laughter and thought I’d had a stroke! My lips were frozen in place!!! I finally laughed so hard that my mask cracked up the sides of each nostril. YIKES! It was a very ugly situation. Good thing Moose was out of town at the time.

    Anywho – I think Coach Turner Gill is a fine, upstanding man – and I pray he’s a great coach. But, I don’t recall Coach Mangino EVER losing a game 6-3. OMG! That, at best, is a boring baseball score!

    Rock Chalk – we live for a new day. :o)

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  6. Tim May! Have you just completely lost your mind?

    As you will see when the mildcats come to Floyd Casey…we don’t need revivals to get our fans to football games…or reviving old coaches for that matter.

    And when was the last time KSU sold out a game?

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    1. Well i wondered when this might stir a response.

      To answer your questions: no mind to lose in the first place…KSU sold out Saturday…against UCLA…51k+…set a home opener record I think….

      Take a deep breathe, huddle up, call a QB draw…that might be all da’ Bears have this year :)

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