I will admit, my procrastination this year in making predictions is all UT’s fault. Pardon me while I puke through my helmet ear hole as that one university single handedly sat down one day this summer and said “let’s scare the beegeebers out of everybody”. So they forearm shivered every other Little 11 teams in the noggin and gave their helmets a spin right there on top of their heads.

Big 8+4 has become the Big 8-2+4, the Little 10, The Big One (or as they say in Austin, “The Big Un”), The Longhorn League, The DeMac Conference, Conference Texas and The Others, The Big TeXas Conference. The new league logo is to have “The Others” mascots shown skewered on the horns of a grinning Longhorn.

Texas wanted a TV network. So they asked those guys on the west coast. The Pac full-of-powerhouse-football 10 said “not so fast moo-moos”. So DeLoser Doops and Macky Brownnose went back to Austin and held hostage an entire football conference, only to get what they wanted…the ransom has been paid.  Longhorn TV is born and UT folks are moving into the League office to run the puppet show. Thanks Beebe-less for showing such unyielding strength, leadership, and moral courage in guiding this conference into the toilet…you bone hunk. Texas gets their TV network, a disportionate amount of league bucks, and they’re out of here in 2 years tops. I’m not the only one that sees that as unsportsmanlike conduct, right? I bet cha I’m not the only voice that would love to see Texas football go winless in conference play this year, along with Nebraska (maybe they’ll have a scoreless tie in Lincoln this year).

As for Beebe-less and the other 11 uni-dumb-versities, you’re shoulder shrug  and goofy-lame “OK” is disgusting sports administration. Maybe from here on out the other 11 teams in this jakeleg conference will be issued chin straps – lord knows their jock straps haven’t done a thing for them. But don’t you know they’ll first need to call Austin and get the Longhorn’s permission before they strap on – all chin straps in this league will now carry the Longhorn logo BTW.

What’s up with Nebraska and Colorado? As if Tom Osborne really knows what he’s doing? Isn’t he too old to be whiney and take an attitude of “it’s my ball and I’m going home – game over”. He made me puke out my other helmet ear hole. The Big 10 can have ’em as far as I’m concerned. I never liked playing the children of the corn anyhow. Geez, a call in the championship goes against them and they really do pout their way out of our hearts, minds, and football stadiums. I wonder if Tom got my letter….hmmmm.

Have Colorado! Are you still here? Can we show you the door? You’ve got Buffalo dung on your cleats…you stink and you know it. Go away.

And then there’s the best at “Follow The Leader”. That would be Okla-aroma, OK-Manly-State, Texas Tuck-Your-Tail-And-Spread-’em – oh wait, they don’t have a Leach in Lubbock this year – so might they then be Texas Tubby-And-Rubby or something like it. This bunch of followers reminds me of an adolescent school boy who aimlessly tags along a step or two behind the pretty girl wherever she goes…just because she once smiled at him. These guys are also known to be good at the game “Red Light, Green Light”, so I’ve heard (and seen).

Attention navigation experts: Texas ATM is in search of direction – it seems they don’t know their east from west, and the AD doesn’t really give a flea flicker care what’s going on when he’s on vacation. Is he back in the office yet? Somebody call Reveille…the Maggies need new marching orders and maybe the dog can do that for them…oh wait, just call Austin why don’t ya. Saaaaaa-lute!

Can you believe Missouri? They started all this. They’re like the neighborhood kid that gets everybody together for a pickup game in the park, talks a bit of trash to everyone, and then has no one pick him to be on their team! Ha! “Hello! This is Mizzou calling. Can we leave now? Anybody? Can someone to call me back? Please? Pretty Please? Hello? Oh geez, I think it was someone at a call center in Lawrence. Do we have to play that Jaybird team again this year? They don’t like us ya know”. Where’s Chase when the Tiggers need a good cry….

And then the rest. K “rock ’em sock ’em their own” U, Everything-is-Snyder State, Bay-lore, and Iowa-big-apology State…those guys are…well…let me summarize with this Tim-ism philosophy: there are 3 kinds of teams (people) in this world…1 that makes things happen, 1 that watches things happen, and the other that says “what just happened”…through the ear hole of their helmet!!! Ya care to venture a guess on who’s who?

I can only shake my head and wonder whether the movie “Of Mice and Men” come to mind for anyone else besides me. They’re showing a continuous play at the Big 8-2+4 league office…it’s called “The History of the Big 12, and petting all things soft”.

It’s a good thing I love college football, otherwise I would say to hell with this soap opera. Let’s get on with the season and Mac’s pancake press conferences every other day (too much syrup in that man’s mouth). Hey, wait a minute…there’s always Lake Dallas High School and Falcon Football Friday nights!