Email Humor Received (EHR), Humor4 Comments

EHR – Hymn No. 365

Tim May

This is a hoot, but I suspect that minister didn’t appreciate it.

HYMN No.365

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, ‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

With even greater emphasis he said, ‘And if I had All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, ‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’

Sermon complete, he sat down. Continue reading “EHR – Hymn No. 365”

Entertainment, Friendship, Humor, Travel3 Comments

The German town of McGregor

Tim May

img_8290Yup it is. Along with Scottish, Indian, Afro-American, and Hispanic folks populated by the railroad industry. Stopping short of a Texas history lesson of the town and region, let me just say this: we went, we enjoyed, we will go back…and the Bluebonnets are up!

Deb and I ventured to McGregor for a short weekend. Actually, one of Deb’s “Dinner Dames” friend and husband asked us to come visit them and the beautiful new home they are building outside of town. The true intent of our invitation was for Jayne/Rusty to get advice on how to landscape their home.

dscf2386Note to others with similar intentions…I love to dole out landscape advice to friends and family, but please lets have a discussion not an argument if you don’t agree with the free opinion I offer. I’m too old and grouchy to argue with you about my expertise. I look forward to going back to McGregor with the landscape summary of my thunkin’ for Jayne and Rusty.

It was an interesting weekend to say the least. Here’s a abridged version:

Continue reading “The German town of McGregor”

Family, Friendship, Health, Life4 Comments

With Paul and Madison, life is good

Tim May

The life of this blog has provided an outlet for many different emotions over the few short months of its existence. Through my stories the blog has tried to make you smile, laugh, love, remember, cry, enjoy, celebrate, relax, reflect, anticipate, honor, and most of all think. This evening, I find myself working through all those emotions. The weekend had a roller coaster of ups and downs worth of emotion. An accident 500 miles away and a third birthday only 15 minutes from home made for an trying time for all of us when all said and done; wrap the weekend and put it on the shelf.

img_7721My great niece Madison (Deb’s niece’s daughter) celebrated her third birthday with mostly family this afternoon. “Madi” is a charm of a kid that can melt even the hardest of hearts. Fortunately, a Madi-party has attendees that she’s already mushed their heart. So we all just sit, watch, and hope we get a long hard hug from her when it’s our turn (a few of us try to capture just that right picture of her). Three years old – oh my – and she’s already able to tame a heart, heal if it’s broken, and instill hope in the hearts of all who know her. Many of us struggle our entire life just trying to accomplish one of those attributes.

Continue reading “With Paul and Madison, life is good”

Entertainment, Humor, Life, Sports1 Comment

Cheating the game of golf

Tim May

We’ve all shaved a few strokes, or maybe just didn’t count a few of our duffs, OB’s, whiffs, tee-taps, foot wedges, and shots into Dad’s golf cart cubby hole – I think I’ve written about that already – playing the so-called “gentleman’s game” (no offense intended lady golfers).  This article in today’s Dallas Morning News comparatively pales our minor offenses and is a better example of how cheating in this wonderful game does not make the recreation any more enjoyable. So count those strokes fellow golfers and remember this story of cheating on a golf course…I wonder if these guys will claim a “mulligan” in court? Continue reading “Cheating the game of golf”

Entertainment, Family, Life, Scottie Dogs3 Comments

A life lesson: always pee first before going on stage

Tim May

Most of you know of the bond I have with my Scottie, Mackie, and of her bond with our family…that’s entirely on her terms. It’s a dysfunctional quality that is enjoyed every day (as she lays at my feet, licking her own, with total disregard for me telling her to stop). She brings a smile to my face and she knows all the buttons to push and strings to pull in maintaining an unrelenting grip on our household.

Friends and family have this breed: Gal Pal Jai Jai, although I’ve yet to meet them, has three personality-unique Scotties (her parents until just recently had 2 – now 1);  OFNi Sarah has adorable Wallace (rescued Scottie mix) and Kingston (rescued Schnauzer that thinks he’s a Scottie); OFSIL Sue B has the fun and funny Brodie; Friend Dawn has 2 black Scottie that love most to pose for photographs. I have yet to meet a Scottie that didn’t make me smile. In fact, at the Westminster Dog Show this year one did just that: a Scottish Terrier named Sadie competed for Best in Show.

Continue reading “A life lesson: always pee first before going on stage”

Family, Friendship, Life3 Comments

(pause) good day!

Tim May

paul-harveyOn February 28th America lost an iconic, legendary radio man. No one, not his son, not Gil Gross nor any other sit-in voice (Dallasite Ron Chapman) will replace the incomparable Paul Harvey. Many young people have missed out on his folksy, comforting, fatherly, friendly, familiar voice delivering the News! and “the rest of the stories”. It is sad to think the youth of today will know not what they’ve missed.

I for one took great comfort listening to Paul on the radio. My commute into Dallas each day was not complete without Paul telling me the day’s stories at 7:30 a.m. on The Big WBAP 820. While on my way to work, I remember a fateful day in the mid-80’s when Paul reported a Hollywood-style kidnap and murder event in western Kansas over the radio. I took interest because of the story’s geographic closeness to home. It was an incident involving ex-cons, sheriff and state police, and one innocent man. That man – the victim of a violent shoot out – coincidentally was my wife’s uncle. Paul Harvey hit a little closer to home that day with his News! than he usually did. It was his comforting grace – a grace for the family that would be expected from a compassionate preacher at an emotional funeral – that eased the mournful shock and started the healing.

Continue reading “(pause) good day!”

Entertainment, Scottie Dogs2 Comments

You-who, it made him famous

Tim May

I still have the old vinyl LP of Bon Jovi’s Billy the Kid movie…kind of – what was the name of that movie? – Slippery When Wet soundtrack. That’s when the hair was large and had a personality of its own…remember (1986) that?

Since then, he’s pruned much of the hair and has partnered up lately with several younger singing sensations (do all aging singers do that?). Just for the record, if Jon wants to hook up with Jennifer Nettles or Leann Rhimes again, any time soon, for any music, video, CMT’s Crossroads episodes, or any other reason, I am all over that for sure.

Continue reading “You-who, it made him famous”

Entertainment, Money, Sports3 Comments

Take a seat, sign here

Tim May

Two things that have always irritated me about professional sports have been the attitudes of high profile “playmaker” pro athletes (in general) and audacity of most franchise owners (Pittsburgh Steelers’ Rooney may be the lone exception but he’s not entirely off the hook). The NFL is probably the most irritating in my mind. There is not many a day we have a media reprieve from the relentless shenanigans, felonies, whining, and center-staging by pro athletes; the dignity-reducing marketing of the franchise by owners; the building of bigger and better stadiums to house professional felons and egos.

Continue reading “Take a seat, sign here”

Family, Humor, Life1 Comment

I did, and still do remember Feb 20

Tim May

Yesterday marked a milestone in the life of FD. She turned the big 2-9…an age that will now be with her for a couple years at least ( ;) ). img_5163

T is a special person in so many ways. In the family lineage, she is the first born to her Mom and Dad; she is the first grandchild born to her paternal grandparents and the fourth to maternal grandparents; she is the first “girl” on the May side – Grandma was elated if I remember right; she is the first born in our family so she could (or try at least) tell second-born FS what to do and when.

We spent nearly two hours on the phone with her this morning (she appreciated her parent’s duet version of “Happy Birthday” on her voice mail yesterday when she was out and about with friends in the big city…she called it “angelic”…she’s so kind, in a tactful, diplomatic, and funny sort of way). In talking with her, memories of her growing up came to mind. Those only cause a smile, a nose-tingle and color change, a lot of blinking to happen – they are happy, loving tears only a father could have in the privacy of his home office while writing a blog post about a favorite daughter nicknamed so often, but most fittingly, still “Sunshine” and “Sweets”.

Continue reading “I did, and still do remember Feb 20”

Life, politics, Religion3 Comments

Knowing good and evil

Tim May

Every month or so I venture to my long-time, golfing buddy, dear pastor friend’s church for what I call my dose of “Dr. Bill”. He speaks to the common parishioner with a simple elegance and understanding for even those that typically absorb Bible-based preaching on a Sunday morning rather slowly…like me.

Last Sunday, the “Dr. Bill dose” spoke of knowing evil. His sermon was based on Mark 1:21-28. Many times Bill’s sermons hit home with me for reasons I might share in another post, but this sermon struck the house, rattled the windows, and flickered the lights causing a re-reading of the passage multiple times. Here’s my take (not Bill’s words mind you, and maybe not even his point) on the message given by Bill to his congregation last Sunday.

Continue reading “Knowing good and evil”

Blogs, Entertainment, Family, Friendship, Life7 Comments

Succumbing to the Facebook allure

Tim May

Slap on some rouge and plaster the lips, this old man has given in to joining the Facebook cosmetic line. Much to the dismay of perhaps family and peers, after reading Mark Davis’ article in Sunday’s Dallas Morning News (don’t anyone tell OFB Tony that I read and listen to conservative talk show host Mark quite often) and his recent membership to the legion of some 150 million population of Facebook,  I did it anyway. The CEO of Facebook – one 24-year-old founder Mark Zuckerberg – says  “If Facebook were a country, it would be the eighth-most-populated in the world, just ahead of Japan, Russia, and Nigeria”. I’m now the 150,000,001 member – yeah right, and I would like to announce my candidacy for President of this new found country. I guess it’s OK to join – it’s free and they welcome all ages (I’m good with both of those qualifications).

It’s a new socializing and networking opportunity for me; and I certainly only intend its use as yet another venue to “express” myself and maybe just find a few long lost friends. Oh yeah, and I think nearly every nephew and niece I have (on both sides of the family) has a Facebook account. IF they accept me as a “friend” (because they don’t have a “Crazy Uncle” option), perhaps I can annoy them on Facebook much like I do some of my regular, as well as infrequent or new blog readers. But not to worry all the pretty little blog heads that do read this stuff…at this webpage, by no means am I giving up WordPress, Flickr, SnapFish or any of my other Internet “socializing and networking opportunities” already in place.

Continue reading “Succumbing to the Facebook allure”

Government, Life, Money1 Comment

Spread your arms wide for showing a trillion

Tim May

With corporate America extending their hand(s) for a government bailout, and half our population wanting the other half to feed, house, transport, and provide entertainment for them…at no cost to them mind you…the Fed talks about spending – or should I say “stimulating” – with a few hundred billion here, a few hundred billion there. They toss about these numbers as if Joe Six-pack’s half-full wallet of hard-earned dollar bills really can compete with the volume of bucks being talked about.

OK, the soapbox pose was short-lived. Thanks to an an article found/read in the Dallas Morning News on Thursday (1/29/09), research conducted by John Hopkins University, Congressional Budget Office, The Washington Post, and Dallas Morning News will help be fill up a blog posting:

How much is a trillion? Continue reading “Spread your arms wide for showing a trillion”

Business, Humor, Sports, Television4 Comments

The Super Bowl cometh

Tim May

It’s coming on Sunday. Many watch the event more for the commercials than the football played – remember the Bud-Weis- er frogs?  This year, a 30-second ad will cost $3 million. Even though the economy is on the skids and regular advertisers like a certain overnight delivery courier has elected not to participate this year, good old Miller High Life has pulled off a marketing coup (one humble man’s opinion). They are doing the “one second ad”, saying that’s all they need to “remind viewers that Miller High Life is common sense in a bottle”. Continue reading “The Super Bowl cometh”

Blogs, Life, Religion, SportsLeave a comment

The humility (and irony) continues

Tim May

A follow up on my previous blog: Oh the humility (and irony) of it all :

So the Christian-based The Covenant School apologizes and says it was wrong to stomp, kick, beat, maim, crew them up & spit ’em out Dallas Academy girls basketball team 100-0…

So the coach, Micah Grimes, says The Covenant School’s apologetic postion is absurd (my words used here)… Continue reading “The humility (and irony) continues”

Photos, Weather1 Comment

Some of us get a snow day…

Tim May

…some of us don’t (it’s actually ice don’t cha know). But a late start to the day is OK. Ice hit the DFW Metroplex last night, and when that happens the local TV stations have non-stop sensationalism news stories that make the weather event more dramatic than it really is, are quite humorous at first, and then quickly become annoying as field reporters will search for any thing to report back to the station.

Hey but I digress, this morning’s weather afforded me the 365 Photo(s) (you are following those photos on my companion blog, right?) of the day:

 

Ice-laden Nandina berries
Ice-laden Nandina berries

Continue reading “Some of us get a snow day…”

Blogs, Entertainment3 Comments

Only the Slate die young

Tim May

Don’t know why I even give this mention, or press, or bother. It is obvious this bonehead didn’t get the tickets he wanted when going to the “BJ” concert years ago. But hey! I have a somewhat equal opportunity blog…and contrary to one buffoon’s opinion, Billy Joel remains all that and more you idiot!

The Worst Pop Singer Ever – Why, exactly, is Billy Joel so bad?

And short of insulting this Ron Rosenbaum like his no-talent ass has done to Joel, I dismiss the article in its entirety, knowing it must have been a really, no I mean r-e-a-l-l-y slow day in the newsroom at Slate.

Continue reading “Only the Slate die young”

Blogs, Life, Religion, Sports2 Comments

Oh the humility (and irony) of it all

Tim May

So yesterday I read about this girl’s basketball game in the Dallas Morning News…and today it’s home page news on Yahoo.com:

School seeks to forfeit 100-0 win (Associated Press)
DALLAS — A Texas high school girls basketball team on the winning end of a 100-0 game has a case of blowout remorse.

The game was last week between two private schools – The Covenant School (a Christian-based institution) versus The Dallas Academy (known locally for having notable success educating students with learning disabilities).  Anyone else find the teaching conflict (and irony) of a Christian school basically ignoring their Christian/Bible-based education philosophies, opening a can of whup, and dishing out a bucket full of wrath on their lesser opponent?

Continue reading “Oh the humility (and irony) of it all”

Blogs, Sports3 Comments

I’m still talking college football y’all

Tim May

My faithful and interested bloggers that read this for my insight and sarcaism on college football…I’m still making snide comments on “Big 8+4” as well as “Saturday Football”. Be sure to periodically check out those pages. And so I will give this a try: participate in the poll “should I move my football rantings to another wordpress blog site or leave it here” tm Continue reading I’m still talking college football y’all

Humor3 Comments

I figured there was a name for it

Tim May

But who would have thunk it?

Doing a bit of research for an unusual contest played annually, I came across the incomparable Yogi Berra (real name is Lawrence Peter Berra BTW) and his command of the English language. It can be called…perhaps referred to as…anybody? Malapropism

Instead of the cut and paste, visit a website or two and you’ll get the gesture….

Malapropism-Wikipedia, Eggcorn-Wikipedia, Dogberry-Wkipedia, Spoonerism-Wikipedia

And an example or two….. Continue reading “I figured there was a name for it”